is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
