I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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