I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
