Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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