I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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