he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
