Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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