I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
