Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
