I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
