I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
