found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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