wrigley field is MILF paradise
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
