She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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