I love black thongs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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