what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
