Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
