Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
