Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My first STD was from a foam party
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
