How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize