let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
