Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
