I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
