i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
