I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
