She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
