dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
