i just had sex bonerless
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize