I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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