I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
