Got a toothbrush?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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