You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
