Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
