Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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