So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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