so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
