I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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