I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
