no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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