we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize