why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
