I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
