she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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