I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
