I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
