new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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