What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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