this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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