He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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