There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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