he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
