I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she peed on how many people?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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