pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
