I don't usually arrange sex via text message
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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