I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
