i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
