The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
