Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
