yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
