I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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