so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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