I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
