I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
