So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
