just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were trust falling into bushes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
