Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
