his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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