Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
