How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
