What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
