is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
