It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just gift wrapped bread.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
