Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
