I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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