if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
