were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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