i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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