She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I currently don't understand fingers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
