you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
