Can Purell be used as lube?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
