I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
