Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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