Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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