i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
