I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
