There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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