Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I want a musical about memes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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