She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
