It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
