So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
