i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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