***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
