i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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