i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize