I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
