my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
