She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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