I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
