butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
