it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
