Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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