we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
