The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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