I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
