Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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